As I close the my first season of, “My Lid-Less Mind” Blog, I would like to thank each of you. Thank you for the love and support you’ve expressed through your comments, your personal testimonies, as well as sharing my blog. THANK YOU! It has brought me so much joy to see others enjoy my personal life, experiences and truth.
I’m still growing..
It took me a while to come up with a title for this blog, and what better way to end this season, with the TRUTH.
In my current life, I’m still dealing with depression. I still wake up in the morning not wanting to get out of bed, and instead, I just lay there and think about where I am not in life. I still struggle with the thought of whether I want to live or die. My smile only on shows my teeth, but not the hurt and pain behind it. I know you’re reading this and saying HOW? WHAT? HUH? Not Greg! Yes Greg!!!
Greg is still trying to find himself in a world where he doesn’t feel love or loved. Greg is still seeking attention from toxic people who are no good for him. Greg is still the backbone for others, even though they aren’t being his backbone.
I’m not okay, but I’m fighting to be. A co-worker said to me a few months ago, “Don’t let people get to you, you’ll get over it”. Damn! I wish God made me like that, strong enough to brush off pain, betrayal, and people just being trash to me! I wish GOD MADE ME LIKE THAT SO I WOULDN’T CARE! I wish I didn’t care when people didn’t share my blog, but would share other pointless bullshit. I wish I didn’t care when others show love and support to those who don’t do shit for them. I wish I didn’t care when others are not consistent with me like I am with them. I just wish I didn’t care at all.
But I do.
Everyday I say to myself, “Greg you’re still growing, its not over”. I have to encourage myself, sometimes just to keep a smile on my face, and to keep from crying. Readers, please believe me when I say, I’m going to be okay. Just pray for me, and I’ll be praying for you. I’ve decided to seek professional help, praying this will be the start to getting out of this dark hole. I can’t wait to tell you guys about my journey in Season 2 of “ My Lid-Less Mind”.