As I write this blog, I’m on the verge of tears because, the simple fact is, I’m sick of asking myself this question.. What about me?
How often do you ask yourself “What about me?” For me, the answer is way too often. I’m always the one calling and checking on others, it’s hardly every reciprocated. I’m only asked how I am, when I’m the one calling. It would be nice to be someone’s first thought.
It becomes quite draining to be there for others when they need you, but those same people aren’t around when you need them. At times, I wonder if I have “I’m good” tattooed on my forehead? Yes, I can appear to be good and strong, but just like you, I need someone in my corner telling me it’s going to be okay, good job or just a plain “heyyy.” I’m human just like the next person, I deal with depression, silent betrayal and suffer from loneliness too.
Writing this blog, you may think everything is okay with me, but in reality, it’s not. I have my moments when I just want to run away and never come back. There are times when I feel friendless, deserted and sad. In those moments, it seems no one cares about me. I find myself seeking attention from those who I know are not for me. I get it where I can, which isn’t always the smart thing to do. I’m always there for others and I support others. Who’s there for me, who’s supporting me, and why do I feel so lonely and neglected?
I’ve never understood why I had to tell some friends and family to support my dreams. If we’re close, then that should be a given, right? Hell NAH! I have watched my family and friends support any and everyone, but when it came to me, there was always an excuse. Some of my favorite remarks are, “Sorry bro, I didn’t see it!”, “I’m not on social media like that.” or “I don’t know how to get there or share it.”, right after they’ve shared a video on Facebook.
It’s just pure bullshit.
This summer, I dealt with a situation where I was betrayed by someone I thought was for me. That situation brought me internal pain that I’ve never experienced in my life, it took me out mentally! My heart was in so much pain. I will never understand how you can be willing to do anything for someone, and they still treat you like shit. The situation taught me two things.
1. No New Friends
2. No New Friends.
I have heard people say over and over, “God will take care them, you keep being you”. I’m sick of these cliches that are supposed to make you feel better about what you’re going though, or have gone through. It’s so easy to tell someone to walk away from the things that don’t do them any good, but then never give any instructions on how to do so. Stop giving the address without the directions.
I shared on Facebook the other day that “Self care is not allowing people to treat you any kind of way. YOU ARE IMPORTANT”. Its so easy to preach The Word, but it’s harder to actually live by it. To anyone who is experiencing the “what about me?” lifestyle, I want you to know you’re not in this fight by yourself. I’m here with you. One day we will get it together and realize our lives need the same love we give to others.
WE MATTER 🖤
Signed A Growing King…