“The Smile of Depression”

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Let’s talk about depression…

Did you know that depression is one of the major psychiatric illnesses that leads to suicide? Crazy, I know!

Dealing with depression was the one of the hardest things I’ve had to cope with in my life. It began when  I moved back home after being away in college. I had my life planned out, or so I thought. In my mind, I seen myself graduating with a degree, then moving to another state and becoming a radiology tech. I was motivated and determined to finish what I had started.

However, life happened and that dream of graduating never came to past. After being away for two years in Tallahassee, I found myself back home, living in my parent’s guest room. I thought to myself, “How in the hell did I end up back here”?

After a while, I found myself comparing my life to the lives of those around me, that’s when envy and jealousy began to creep up and dwell in me. During this time, I went to social media and unfriended/unfollowed certain people. I had this notion that they were living their best life, the life I felt I should have been living and I couldn’t bear to watch it! I felt like a failure. I was equipped with the tools to success, and yet I didn’t succeed. Just like my plans for my future failed, so did my spirit, I was torn.

After being home for a few months, I decided I would focus on my gift of singing and creating music. Things started off great, then my passion for singing and creating began to leave me. I wanted nothing to do with either.  Singing Sunday after Sunday, and feeling like my gift was being taken advantage of made me hate singing! The very thing that kept me from retreating into a darker place was becoming the host of my depression party. I became angry, then I  began to isolate myself from people.

It took me six months away from singing to gain my love and passion for music back. Being that I continued to compare my journey of music with those around me, I hindered my success once again. My music career paid the price of never taking off. During that time in my life, I was depositing more into being depressed than I was into my passion and purpose. I was so conflicted, I compared everything I did to the way others were doing it, because I felt I couldn’t do better. At the time, I couldn’t see myself being better than what was already around me. I felt helpless and lost.

The thing I’ve learned about depression is, you can’t physically see it, but you know it’s there.

Every smile I offered out, was really my cry for help, but no one noticed it. After praying, fasting and talking to God, I convinced myself to get up and not only do better, but to be better for me. I decided not to think about how or what others thought of me. I began to love and appreciate everything about myself. I took self love to another level. I was determined to make sure that I was okay with me, myself and I . Depression had to go. I couldn’t let this feeling get the best of me! Even now when I have moments of feeling down, I remind myself,  “Greg, you are A-Ma-Zing!”
“Greg, God has your back!”
“Greg, the battle is not yours!”
“Greg, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!”

I want to encourage those of you who has dealt with, or is currently dealing with depression. The battle is not over. You can beat this thing! Self care is the key to beating this! Be okay with you, love you first and make sure you’re happy first. Don’t let life’s circumstances and people put you in a bad state of mind. When you know who you are, nothing can stop you!  Be encouraged and don’t be afraid to ask for help if needed.

Signed

-AGrowingKing

13 thoughts on ““The Smile of Depression”

  1. Depression,
    This king as no more power, or control, to give you. You have tried this king; you have tested THIS KING ; you have annoyed THIS KING, but, as you can see, you didn’t stop THIS KING.

    I’m always impressed by the way you speak you heart to heal OTHERS.

    Love always ..

    -Shay❤️✨

    READ THIS AMAZING BLOG!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We are of one mind I swear.. because of u I know I am not alone. I am a work in progress and a day closer to loving myself just a little more. it’s ok to not be ok but to try to keep moving forward 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are very brave, and all you’ve endured is going to assist with how you treat others, love and represent the kingdom. I would love to share your blogs with some of my teen boys ! Blessing, Covering and everlasting. Anointing upon you !

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Being able to share your truth takes a lot strength and courage awesome read bro we’ve all struggled with something at some point in life and we all continue to fall short daily but his grace and mercy covers us

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Greg , your are AmaZInG 😉 person . Thank you Brother you just also help others including myself acknowledge how serious “depression” is . 🙏🏽 Love you Brother

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You have me over here in tears!, if people only knew and/or cared what others were going through. I can’t thank you enough for sharing 😘😘😘

    Like

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