“He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me” Part 1

gfordd

He wasn’t man enough for me.

I know some of you clicked this link thinking you were going to find something you feel you knew about me. But, sorry, jokes on you. I picked this title for click bait, but it’s also  the main topic of this blog.

I lived in a home with a very masculine father and brother who loved the sports channel, football, and basketball. They spoke ”manly”, and used all the correct ”manly” gestures when expressing themselves. However, I wasn’t given the same vibes as my brother and father. I enjoyed all types of music, pop to be specific, and I hated sports with a passion. My desire for “manly” things were very low, and it definitely showed. While growing up, I was constantly reminded that I sounded like a girl, walked like a girl, moved my hands like a girl, and I was always judged for it. When I was around my brother and father I would try my best to put on a manly voice, sit up straight, and try not to speak. 

 

I remember a particular time talking to my father. He said to me, “Why are you talking like that? You sound-”. But, he didn’t finish his sentence. He just paused. I believe he looked directly in my eyes and saw the tears beginning to build up. I wanted to finish his statement and say “like a girl”, but I didn’t. I got up, and walked away from the table. Growing up was so intimidating because I didn’t feel ”man enough” to be my brother’s brother or my father’s son! I was willing to do anything to make my father and brother accept me. 

 

So, when I was in the fourth grade I played Pop Warner Football (I was #99). That shit was HELL!! I hated every moment of it, but my father and brother were proud to see me doing something that was deemed normal for a young boy. Trying to please my brother and father only made me miserable. I spent most of my time growing up and trying to please people, but never pleasing myself. 

 

When I was in the 10th grade, I reunited with a male buddy from preschool, and it was like we hadn’t missed a beat. We were both much older, but our personalities still clicked. During our reconnecting stage, I was insecure about our friendship. I felt like I was not the “homeboy” who he could call and talk to about the “hoes” or football. Previous homeboys never stayed around because they were afraid to be seen with me when their other friends came around.. Sad huh? Yeah, I know. 

 

However, my male best friend never once gave me the impression that he was ashamed of me. Being around him meant I could be my genuine self. I didn’t have to pretend. This allowed me to embrace myself, and bump what others thought about me. He accepted me the way I needed my brother and father to when I was younger. To be brought up in a culture where being masculine was a must can really send someone like me through a stage of identity crisis. 

 

I want to say that my brother and father never mistreated me, but I feel like they mishandled me when I was younger. This is one of the hardest things for me to talk about because I still get asked, ”Are you gay?”. The crazy part about is when I ask, “Why do you ask?”, they say because ”You look gay”. WHAT THE HELL DOES GAY LOOK LIKE?? Does anybody know?!  No one knows 🤷🏾‍♂️.. 

 

Being gay is being attracted to the same sex. Not being masculine does NOT make you gay.  If men weren’t so afraid to be sensitive or get emotional, then maybe we will have better relationships with our wives, girlfriends, and daughters!

53 thoughts on ““He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me” Part 1

  1. You definitely nailed this on the head. I love you Greg and your passion. This excerpt literally filled my heart with so much joy. I’ve known you since I was a freshman in high school and I instantly gained much love for you because of your ability to walk in a room full of people and present confidence to be who you are. Funny, charismatic, fashionable, and you have the voice of an angel. You and Queen was the perfect duo. YOU are something I miss about high school. Keep thriving Greg. This is awesome 💞

    Like

  2. Great read !!! I’m so proud of you and the way you delivered a very hurtful part of your story ! You are phenomenal man ❤️ I’m ready for more 🍿

    Like

  3. Greg I’m so proud of you for releasing this, believe it or not it’s going to help so many people who have a misunderstanding! Thank you for doing this!

    Like

  4. Great job my “Gregory”! I’m so proud of you! God has so much in store for you, remain the humbled vessel and watch Him use you! This is only the beginning…..

    Like

  5. I love your vulnerability in the first blog post. A great read and would make for a great story. I’m sure you’re not the only person who has ever experienced this or just the idea of not being good enough period. Great Job!!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    Like

  6. This was written from your heart, soul as well as your mind. I felt your pain and I do believe there are others who will benefit from your heartfelt testimony. Wow!

    Like

  7. My brother be the best you for you the only way to be real is staying true to yourself sometimes God puts obstacles in your way to help you overcome the further hardships you will endure in life. The way your brother and father acted towards you was them being used as vessels for you to speak others who don’t have a voice to speak for their true feelings my brother. Stay true to you!

    -isaiah

    Like

    1. wow That right there touched my soul. It takes a lot to open up to these types of things and Im glad that you did that’s one less thing you’ll have bundled up inside. One less pain to hide. I love you Gbro since the first time I was around you. Keep being great , they hate that ish🙌🏽😘

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Amazing read! I’m patiently waiting for more. This was once me but since I’m a girl it only rubbed off as being a Tom boy. That may have been true but I lived in my shell for so long and I finally stepped out when I had to tell myself “Be you, for you” and I’m glad you’ve done that for yourself! Continue to be an inspiration to others and leading a path many are scared to even start walking! You’re not alone Greg! I admire you so much now. Keep it up it’s only going to get greater from here!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You should really consider being an author ! You have a story to tell & so many men and boys need to hear what you have to say. You have the ability to impact so many peoples lives in such a positive way and I say go for it !

    Like

  10. You’re transparency is so powerful! Too bad more men don’t realize the importance of sensitivity especially in relationships. I’ve always said that you have a beautiful mind and I stand by that statement. Keep it coming…❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow!!!! I love how you were so transparent. I only can imagine the weight that was lifted!! I’m proud of you Greg!!! I look forward to all your future blogs ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Good morning Greg I am so proud of you because you are standing your ground went God created us he did not say this is how I want you to be so when people called themselves looking at you as a gay person just remember that word means Happy. I played basketball all my life and people started to call me gay because of my tomboy ways I mean the way I walk and the way my body is built I have a flat chest but that did not stop me so I thank God for making my body like this I have three kids and seven Grandbabies so I don’t care how people look at me anymore because God created me to be the person I am so continue to stand your ground and server God because he has the last say so. Long live the king.

    Like

  13. Bro, while reading this, I saw myself! I grew up the exact same way except I didn’t have a brother…just older sisters. Dad (RIP) was out and about doing his thing at the time and didn’t have that much time for me so I spent most of my time around my mom and sisters. I can go on but I won’t…this is everything!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This first entry was amazing! The level of transparency and realness is just…👍🏾! Keep going POP; I can’t wait to read the next entry! Much love.♥️

    Like

  15. Honestly, I appreciate your transparency. I have a younger brother that is struggling in elementary school and at home with the same situation and all I can do is encourage him and pray that God keeps him. Great post!

    Like

  16. We live in a world were if you agree to disagree you are judged..Be you and be a happy you..understand no matter what..the love is real..people judge me because im loud to the point..”I asked God to just my voice.” Soon I realized my voice is what makes me..”ME” and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m proud of you💋

    Like

  17. Wow! This sounds Soooo familiar and I can relate to just about every sentence. Living to please others instead of self can definitely be detrimental to ones life. Doing that you neva live or figure out your full potential, due to not being authenticly you. I thank God for helping me to love self just as much, if not more than I love others. You neva know what others have locked away. Thank you for your transparency! ✊🏾💯🖤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. THIS IS MOMMA REEBIE YOU’RE BEEN MY BABY SINCE DAY ONE CAN’T NOTHING CHANGE THAT REMEMBER WHEN OUR CHURCH MT.HERMON WE DID A CONCERT WORKSHOP WITH CORNERSTONE WITH JACKY CLARK AND THE CLARK SISTERS YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER BUT I WAS ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE THEN STANDING NEXT TO YOU WHEN EVER WE HAD TO PERFORM I HAVE A PICTURE OF USE ON STAGE PERFORMING IT WAS IN YEAR 2006 – 2007 ONE OF THEM YEARS I’VE NONE YOU A LONG TIME I’VE SEEN YOU GROW UP TO BE THE FINE YOUNG MAN YOU ARE NOW WITH NO CHANGE THE ONLY CHANGE I’VE SEEN IN YOU IS YOU HAVE GROWN UP TO BE A MORE STRONGER AND POTENT PERSON IN SPIRIT WITH A KIND SWEET HEART YOU CAPTURE THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE YOU MEET THAT HAS YOUR SAME SPIRIT YOU ALWAYS HAD GOOD POTENTIAL TO BE A GREAT AND WONDERFUL YOU WERE RAISED BY TWO OF THE MOST WONDERFUL & THE BEST PEOPLE/PASTORS IN FORT MYERS AND TWO BEAUTIFUL AND GREAT SIBLINGS THERE ARE ALOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT FEAR WHAT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND IN OTHER PEOPLE OUR CHARACTERS AND GENES COME FROM OUR PARENTS SOME ARE MASCULINE AND SOME ARE FEMININE PEOPLE HAVE A TENDENCY TO MISS UNDERSTAND US FOR WHO WE ARE AND HOW WE ACT ITS OKAY TO LOVE,CRY BE PASSIONATE,HAVE A SOFT HEART AND CARE OR CAUSE OF THE WAY WE WALK OR THE WAY WE TALK OR THE WAY WE CARRY OURSELVES WE HAVE TWO SETS OF GENES FROM OUR MOTHER AND FATHER THAT DON’T MAKE ANYONE GAY WHAT IS GAY ,GAY IS HAPPY TO ME SO PEOPLE NEED TO SWEEP AROUND THEIR OWN BACK DOORS BEFORE THEY TRY TO SWEEP AROUND ANYBODY ELSE’S AND ANYWAYS PEOPLE WITH HARD HEARTS DON’T KNOW HOW TO TREAT NO ONE GOOD THEY ONLY WOVLES IN SHEEP CLOTHING COME TO MAKE YOU SAD AND RIP YOUR HEART FROM YOU CHEST BECAUSE THEY MADE THEY CAN’T BE LIKE YOU YOU HAVE SOMETHING THEY WANT AND THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO GET IT SOME OF THEM NEVER WILL GET IT YOU ARE A STRONG SOLIDIER OF CHIRST YOU ARE BEYOND MOST PEOPLE YOU ARE SET UP ON A HIGH PEDESTAL YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED BY GOD BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW HIM GOD KNOWS YOUR GOOD HEART GOD IS YOUR JUDGE NOT THE WORLD SO KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR JESUS I LOVE YOUR BLOG KEEP WRITING MAKE A BOOK FOR YOU ARE GREAT GREG FROM THE FIRST DAY I SAW YOU I KNEW YOU WOULD BE GREAT MY DAUGHTER LOVES YOU WITH EVERYTHING SHE GOT MY SON RANDY LOVES YOU TOO RANDY HAS A BOOK COMING OUT SOON EVEN CHRISTIAN PEOPLE HAVE HARD HEARTS THEY HURT YOU TO BACK IN THE DAY MY CHILDREN WHERE YOUNGER THEY WERE JUDGED AS WELL MY ONLY DAUGHER GROWED UP WITH THREE BROTHERS EVRY SAID SHE WAS GAY BECAUSE SHE BECAME A TOMBOY DID EVERYTHING A BOY WOULD DO PLAY BASKETBALL SHE DID BOY THINGS SHE DIDN’T PLAY WITH DOLLS SHE GROWED UP WITH A DEEP VOICE MY PASTORS WIFE MY FIRST LADY HURT HER FEELING AND MINDS TOO BUT WE STILL LOVED THEM LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER SHE HAS THREE CHILDREN HER OWN BUSINESS, A SCHOOL TEACHER SUCCESSFUL SHE WASN’T EVER GAY .MY SECOND OLDEST SON HAS A SOFT VOICE WE ALL USE TO SING IN THE CHOIR HE SONG SO SOFTLY THAT IT WAS LIKE HE WAS TALKING OUT THE SONGS MY PASTOR TOLD ME AND HIM YOU ARE GONNA BE GAY IT HURTED HIS HEART AND MIND AGAIN SAME CHURCH MEMBERS BUT WE STILL LOVE THEM TIL THIS DAY AND ALWAYS WILL. AGAIN MY SON PROVED THEM WRONG THE REASON WHY HE TALKED BECAUSE HE WAS BORN TO BE A RAPPER HE’S A DJ TALK RADIO SHOW HOST,CEO,MUSIC PRODUCER.MY BABY BOY RANDY THEY ALWAYS USE TO TELL ME HE ALWAYS CURSING HE GONNA ALWAYS GET IN TROUBLE ONE MORE TIME THEY WERE WRONG MY SON IS A CHRISTIAN HIS A PASTOR HE SPEAKS THE WORLD OF GOD HE’S A GOOD MAN HE’S A BUSINESS MAN AS WELL HE IS AELECTRITION HE FIXES COMPUTER ‘S HE’S A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER THEY ALL BEEN TO COLLEGE GOT HIGH DEGRESS PEOPLE OF MAN DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY THINK THEY KNOW .EVEN PEOPLE OF GOD DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING THEY CAN AND ARE WRONG ALSO PEOPLE CAN SAY SO MANY WRONG THINGS ABOUT YOU AND MAKE YOU GREATER THAN THEY ARE YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE WHEN PEOPLE TALK NONSENSE ABOUT YOU IT MAKES YOU STRIVE TO PROVE THEM WRONG THE STRONG DO SURVIVE.I LOVE YOU AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING CONTINUE TO REACH TO THE TOP YOU ARE A STAR KEEP ON WRITING I LOVE IT YOU ARE GODS CHILD GOD IS YOUR WITNESS YOU WILL GET THE LAST LAUGH GOD WILL USE OUR ENEMIES AS FOOT STOOLS KEEP STRIVING TO GET TO THE TOP MY KING GREG YOU GONNA ALWAYS BE MY BABY MOMMA REEBIE LOVE YOU FORVER😘💜😇💘💯

    Liked by 1 person

  19. This open reflection is amazing. It’s a sad reality, but its seems like those closet to you often judge the most. Your sexuality is none of my business and cannot and should not be a hindrance in helping you achieve what I believe God called you to do, and that is minister through song. You are undeniably and unmistakably an anointed and talented vocalist that is passionate about his ministry. I may not say much or know you very well, but I love you little cousin and pray this open journal of your emotions sets you free to fly higher and higher! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. GREG!!
    You have such an amazing spirit! I’ve loved you since I met you! you have such an amazing voice and you always make me smile! Keep helping others that are in your position! Your voice is so powerful! you definitely have MY support!!!!

    -Asha

    Liked by 1 person

  21. All i can say is wow! Growing up, i was your brother, father and uncle. I grew up around my uncle and cousins being like strong and manly has all i have been taught. Unlike your brother and father, every man i pattern after never had a successful relationship with their wife, girlfriends or daughters. I just want to thank God, when i surrendered to Him, I became sensitive, emotional and cry when God’s presence comes in the atmosphere! Now i also see why so many men come and go from Church, because they won’t allow the Holy Spirit in trying to be so manly”Quote on Quote” Bro much love and the world needs to hear this. and they will because of what God has already predestined.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. This was such an eye opener!!! You never know what someone has gone through or had to deal with; despite how happy go-lucky they may be as a person. This is definitely an inspiring read and i think you could/WILL be such an amazing mentor to a lot of people dealing with the same issues of acceptance or being placed into a category they don’t belong or even associate with. Especially in the black community, being “Gay” isn’t openly accepted so it is used as a form of attack or shaming so weather you are or not it it still something you have to deal with and overcome.
    So glad you started this blog Greg, i just know its going to go beyond these posts!!!!!!!
    That book is definitely NEXT ^_^
    -W

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s